Advice to all Ba'al Teshuvas Out There

I have started to phase out of blogging. Don't be offended, it has nothing to do with you (whoever "you" are), life has just gotten in the way of leisurely writing. Nevertheless, I had a very important conversation with a friend that I felt was crucial to share for all ba'al teshuvas (and even you frum-from-birthers) out there. 

Me:

What happen? Where did your self-confidence go? You were never afraid to come off as weird or make mistakes!

Friend:

I never am normally... but this is not normal! This is important!

Me:

I don't understand, you never worried about what others thought of you.

Friend:

I care what you and my other friends think.

I care what my Rabbi thinks.

I am afraid I am going to mess up everything I have been working so hard to accomplish.

Me:

hm...

Friend:

I am trying very hard to move forward and I feel stuck. I feel like I'm moving as slow as a caterpillar. 

Me:

Good thing catipillars turn into butterflies ;)

Friend:

You know what I mean...

Me:

The rabbi that inspired me to become observant, gave me a compliment the last time I saw him in America. But what his compliment really was, was an enlightening statement on the ba'al teshuva movement. 

He said, "It is so good that even though you became religious, you stayed the same 'Bekah' that I met three years ago." What he was trying to say was, I am complimenting you because you stayed true to yourself. What he implied, however, was that only a few people who becomes religious do. They don't stay true to their former-identify while changing their lifestyle. 

My suggestion to you, is that you should care about all the little things like appearance, behavior, and mannerisms. The small things can be important things. But just because you CARE what your friends and your Rabbi think, doesn't mean you have to try and fill that fantasy. 

Take what we all say and WEIGH IT against your own personality and beliefs. I dress modestly and I still have my peircings, even though I have slowly been phasing out my more noticable ones. But I didn't take them out when my rebbetzin begged me, when my brother offered to pay me $300, or when I got faces from teachers. I took them out when I was ready. I took their advice and weighed it against my personality and beliefs. But that is just a physical example. 

My point to you is care about what we say. BUT DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT WE THINK MORE THAN WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!! It is your life, and your not going to fit in anybody's box as hard as you try. Just stay yourself. That's the person your friends and family love. That's the person G-d made you.