I
remember sitting on the soft ground on the Quad at a
Union of Reform Judaism's camp, Camp Eisner. I remember the smell of
sun-burnt grass and seeing the thin layer of dirt and dust billow up from
the surrounding buildings as children ran through. BOKER TOV, BONIM!
"BOKER OR!" responded the excited nine-year olds. Was this really all eleven years ago? Looking at the painted glass
windows surrounding the Quad, I the hear biblical illustrations trying to spill their stories. Hineni,
here I am, said Abraham. Do you know who Abraham is? I look to the
front of our daily Jewish class, Limud. I raise my hand. The leader picked one
of the Rabbis' kids. I was unsurprised, they are the ones always
picked; after all, they are the only ones who know all the answers.
In the years to follow, one of our counselors wrote a great song. In
song session the older kids are thrashing around. They are jumping up and down,
belting their hearts out. I wonder how many of them rocked out like this
at the last Dispatch concert.
Here I am, hineni, where should I go?
Lech-lecha, a journey, to a place unknown...
The song gets louder with each verse. Electric static is in the air. Hineni. Here I am.
Today,
I found myself in Kyriat Moshe, Jerusalem participating in my third
year of orthodox seminary. Shana gimmel? What happened to those sun
kissed summer days of my childhood? Instead, it's August and I am diving deep into biblical texts. I am also learning rabbinic commentary older than
my imagination can grasp. Today, I came across the word "hineni" in the parsha (Torah portion) dealing with Akeidas Yitzhok (The Binding of Isaac). The Rabbi asked the class who could translate the pasuk (verse) in English. I raised my hand. He called on me. "And Avraham said here I am..."
After only one week of learning in-text, the Rabbi seemed pleasantly surprised I got it right on the first shot. I surmise he was thinking I finally figured out how to detect verbs and nouns, get to the shorsh (root), conjugate the word in the past-tense singular male structure (if necessary), and look it up in the dictionary. While he was right, I have adequately learned how to do all of that in one week, I didn't need to look up the translation in the dictionary. I just had to remember pleasant summer mornings, running my hand through the grass, and listening to the Limud instructors as the dust billowed up from the passing children.
Today, I am no longer in summer camp. In fact, I am not even in the Reform movement anymore. Eleven years later, I have transformed into a woman of Torah and mitzvos. Dedicating my life to living in the path of Hashem. I am still a normal human being. Well, the word "normal" is stretching it a bit; I was never really "normal". But, what I intend to say is that I mess up, get lost, forget my goals, and often do things I really should not be doing. However, I know what I would like to accomplish in my lifetime. With this in mind, I know the rest of this month, Elul, will be spent trying to figure out how to achieve what I want to accomplish this year. Not just want I want to accomplish, but who I want to become while I attend my third year of seminary.
This time next Elul, I want to become my potential.
This time next year, I want to proudly say:
After only one week of learning in-text, the Rabbi seemed pleasantly surprised I got it right on the first shot. I surmise he was thinking I finally figured out how to detect verbs and nouns, get to the shorsh (root), conjugate the word in the past-tense singular male structure (if necessary), and look it up in the dictionary. While he was right, I have adequately learned how to do all of that in one week, I didn't need to look up the translation in the dictionary. I just had to remember pleasant summer mornings, running my hand through the grass, and listening to the Limud instructors as the dust billowed up from the passing children.
Today, I am no longer in summer camp. In fact, I am not even in the Reform movement anymore. Eleven years later, I have transformed into a woman of Torah and mitzvos. Dedicating my life to living in the path of Hashem. I am still a normal human being. Well, the word "normal" is stretching it a bit; I was never really "normal". But, what I intend to say is that I mess up, get lost, forget my goals, and often do things I really should not be doing. However, I know what I would like to accomplish in my lifetime. With this in mind, I know the rest of this month, Elul, will be spent trying to figure out how to achieve what I want to accomplish this year. Not just want I want to accomplish, but who I want to become while I attend my third year of seminary.
This time next Elul, I want to become my potential.
This time next year, I want to proudly say:
Hashem, Hineni!
